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She grapples with not really knowing where she is and the deep missing of Erik the Red. How could

this fuzzy felt dog have got so under her skin, so into her heart? She can feel tears pricking her eyes

as she thinks of him and her lostness; it’s hard to get a handle on where she has been, where she has

come from, echoed in the unfamiliarity of an unknown place and Czech names .

Embrace the adventure.

Sue said yesterday that maybe Erik is her transitional object? But as Esme asked “transitional to what – a puppy, a man?

She knows her life is wholly changed. She is now a dog woman, she sees and delights in others’ dogs.

Erik enabled her to be still in the house, realise and acknowledge how difficult that had been, let her resistance to that stillness dissolve because she was no longer alone. He was such sweet company. She

wonders if Sue knew he would charm her, bewitch her, enable her to drop another layer into grief, to

feel the sadness rather than the anger and to weep, though he did try to shag her when she wept which

turned the tears to laughter, how could it not? Maybe the noise she made was too reminiscent of his

squeaky toys?

She feels stronger, more independent, and she has started listening to Radio 4 again, in the car, it

seemed less charged with Erik beside her. Thoughts turn to anticipation of puppy training Ulf,

something to balance attending to interviews, practice and writing up. A different dog shaped

relationship to nurture and delight in.

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