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As I talk with my sister-in-law, I momentarily become clearer she asks “Why not just put the original envelopes up?” I have wondered that too when I realised the task I had set myself to make 186 porcelain paper clay envelopes, but that is part of the process wanting to set myself a task ‘;a labour of love’ and I want to transform them, remake them in a different material one that has different associations and resonances. Speaks poetically of fragility, impossibility, repeating a behaviour to stave off the stark reality of his absence.

“Would it be too raw, to show the original envelopes?” I think so yes, like Louisa showing her sister’s sketchbooks. I want to create something beautiful, maybe even transitional so the rawness is easier to bear but also it allows the viewer to bring their own interpretation and response.

This is interesting in terms of where this aspect sits in relation to my hypothesis of creative engagement assisting living with grief, because I am creating a mediated experience. I am creating; I am in control of what I choose to put in or leave out. SA said she would be more interested in what I left out and making work about that!

Themes that resonated and need more exploration – The shadow of the object – Bollas, Object theory/attachment theory, Existentalism – theories around sexual promiscuity and grief.

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