Having J say “of course just try working with the cracked bowl it’s fine if it doesn’t work”, freed me from my stasis. I unpacked it really looked at the damage and decided it wasn’t repairable, i will take some clay to her garden when I visit in a weeks time make another dish. I was worrying a small amount of P’s cremated remains were contained within this glass, but she reassured me by saying he would be fine with me experimenting, changing the form.
It is not him yet it is ash created from him and that requires a sensitivity linked to her attachment, my attachment.
I carefully smashed up the original made sure I caught as much of the ash as possible and have re-fired the glass into the rose pod mould, it will be cool enough to open the kiln tomorrow, I hope it’s worked and is something new.
I feel it needed to be transformed into something else rather than just trashed, that is not respectful enough…on one hand it is ‘just ash’ but it is more than that because of the emotional connection to what that ash was…my memory of the person it once was and also being aware of J’s feelings for her dead husband.
Hmm not only can objects be problematic but so can objects made that memorialise….it is an interesting dilemma and one that needs talking through.