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After spending the morning talking with Esme and letting the tears come and go I eventually felt able to go off to Portskewett. It was a beautiful sunny warm afternoon perfect to sit and draw. I thought my thoughts would be full of Chris but they were also about the present and the future. The drawing was a good stilling process, a sitting with my grief. I will take it and work it into a screen print and I also realise I want to take what remains of the shredded shirts and do something with them – it will be a record of time passing and their knotted, twisted state feels like a visual metaphor for the complications of grief and loss.

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